Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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