how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
