Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
