whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
