GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
