I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are the jesus of drinking
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
