everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
