We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize