omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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