you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
