dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
