Please, let me fuck your mom
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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