Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
