I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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