Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
