she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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