Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
