I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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