She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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