This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
worst night to have a conscience
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
