yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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