I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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