Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize