The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
