so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
