My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize