WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
