No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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