I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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