Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
