I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We need to rekindle our bromance
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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