btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
