I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
