I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
