Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
