gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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