i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
