His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
