covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
