I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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