The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
