My friends, they love my intelligence
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
