I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
