Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
