Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
