You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i now understand why vodka
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
