Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
