His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
