i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
