i think i have two assholes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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