he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
