took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
