I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
