We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
