Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
