listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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