i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
