I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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