the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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