kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
