Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
