her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
