I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
