I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize