im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
