im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
