super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
