chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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