I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
