Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
