There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
