His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
