Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
